Make War

healing

today , i experienced something new.. and it feels really good.
i feel kind of emotionally exhausted , but in a good way ( its hard to describe)
on Wednesday, a couple of 9th graders have a bible study in my house .. i usually join them.
my friend was telling me the other day how she had done this thing called inner healing ,i was intrigued, so she told me more, i kind of understood, but i still wanted to know more, .. i wanted to do it myself , so she suggested we do it on 9th grade b- study's Wednesday, and i was all for it
we brought it up that day, but the leaders didn't know much about it..so my friend said she would ask her youth pastor to come and help out
the next Wednesday.. only one kid showed up.. we still had bible study and it was good, it was just him, my sister, my friend and me..but we didn't do the inner healing thing
i was disappointed.. but i knew, it still wasn't time, this wasn't the day it was sposed to happen,
last Wednesday we had bible study as we usually do and my friend called her youth pastor, he gave us bible verses, and asked if we had any questions about it..and it took a while , just to explain what it was all about, inner healing is basically examining our lives..seeing aspects we might not have thought of before.
he started by telling us to divide a sheet a paper into three separate parts..
for the first part.. we listed things that have been in our family for a long time .. sicknesses, divorces, fights between families.. eating disorders, cancer .. that we see have caused hurt and pain from generation to generation .. what we can call generational curses..
I wrote everything i could think of ..
after we all finished he told us to repeat the prayer he was saying out loud, to be confident in it and to believe it with all our hearts..
" dear God, we believe you have set us free you on the cross you beat death, and we are your children.. father we come today to leave this at your cross..
we are free from this sin that has been weighing us down.. we live for you and this is not going to keep us from you .. we are free"
.. after that we prayed by ourselves.. and started reading our list out loud but quiet enough for no one else to hear.. as we read the list out loud he started praying over us along with his two other friends..

on the next section of the list we made a list of the sins we struggle with .. the sins that no matter what ..we keep falling to ..that seem to have a strong hold on us .. that we keep repenting of .. but we still keep coming back to them.. he gave as an example a kid he knows who no matter how hard he tried , he couldnt stop watching pornography.. no matter how much he resisted.. his body even woke up at the exact hour , even when he didn't want to ..
as I started doing my list i started to feel heavy .. my stomach was in a knot.. i felt guilt ,shame.. I even thought of leaving out some things...but i didn't
..we started praying again.. this time when i was praying, I felt like I was struggling ..as i read my long-long list i started to
stutter.. felt like if everyone was listening to my words.. I opened my eyes to see everyone completely absorbed into their own prayer.. and youth pastor and friends praying over us going around the room.. I feel to my knees and continued praying.. this time with even more intensity
when i finished reading my list, he did a final prayer, when i stood up .. i felt like i had released something i had been carrying for a long time.
after that.. he said.. this is probably the hardest part.. think of everyone that has ever hurt you ..anyone that has given you a hard time..
- as i started making my list I noticed most of the people on my list where people i love.. my sister, my parents..and my close friends.. and it was for things they probably didnt even remember .. a hurtful comment.. having something i want and didn't get..making me feel less.
when i was in elementary ... i was teased by my class and I was the kid that had no friends and was always picked last, .. ..Certain people who gave me nicknames and gave me a hard time , most of them are totally different from who they where in elementary .. but sometimes.. on rare occasions i still remember who they used to be .. and I don't want that .. the past is the past. I added my class to the list.
-when i read this list out-loud.. in my heart i knew thees people had been forgiven..
i started to cry..not because of sadness but because i hadn't felt this way in a very long time.

when we all finished praying we all got our papers and ripped them into tiny pieces.. into a bowl
we suggested to burn them .. but it was late ...so for time matter we just discarded them.
i volunteered, and smiled as i poured the tiny bit of paper into the garbage.

Isaiah 53:4, "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted."

Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

Psalms 23:3, "He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Hebrews 12:15, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Romans 5:1, "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Isaiah 43:25, "I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins."

Hebrews 10:22, "...draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water."Colossians 1:22-23, "...he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed by God to proclaim it."

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