THIS IS YOUR LIFE

This is your life .... are you who you want to be?

simple.. yet it pierces my heart to the deepest part... who do i want to be?,
what am i going to do about it?

:) (18)

so its my eighteenth birthday ( or was) , its like 12:18 , in a Wednesday night..
here in Honduras 18 basically means, i can get a license ( yes until im 18), I can get an ID, if i could drive,( which i can, but not well enough yet),and  im sure this would feel like a big deal, but right now I feel, well the same, maybe it hasnt sunk in yet.. im 18, im a senior its wierd, time goes by soo fast , i feel old.. kinda

the other day, i was in my room, I was set upon doing my homework..(wich i didnt, but no worries i did it second period the next day), I had my ipod set on shuffle and this really great song by Switchfoot came up..this is your life .
and i dont know if youve ever felt this .. but i felt God speaking to me through that song
during theese months( me being a senior and all), i have been feeling , like .. well its hard to describe.. like my life hasnt started yet..
"THIS IS YOUR LIFE , ARE YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BE?"
THIS IS YOUR LIFE, ARE YOU EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED THAT IS WOULD BE WHEN THE WORLD WAS YOUNGER, AND YOU HAD EVERYTHING TO LOOSE"
theese words, i can just feel them ressonating in my insides, its like they go deep inside to somehwere even I didnt know existed in me
I have a bassic idea of what I want to be when i Grow up, i have this bassic idea of what i want my life to be ..
and i keep thinking about me in the future, looking back to where i am right now, what would i think?

:) i want to go THere...

"dont ask what the world needs , ask what makes you come alive and go do it for the world needs people that have come alive "

Im Going to be OK

soo lately things have been happening in my life.
( by things I mean, not getting accepted to Calvin) and for me it would be easy to give up, ( For me giving up would mean staying to study here in Honduras, i thought it was fine but its not, I WANT MORE), so I started to freak out, as I saw other people getting accepted into colleges, certain of their future, I felt like I was in the air, not knowing where to fall.

....but before I applied to Calvin I prayed, in fact I even mentioned it in the essay "if its Gods will for me to Get into this college, i will be accepted."
and I didnt Get accepted.
when my mother, (who kept the letter from me for a week,before i saw it ) told me I didnt get accepted, I have to admit, I wasnt happy, but I wasnt Sad either .. its wierd.. I didnt feel a thing
Im just like.. ok, so I guess that not it
the next couple weeks after this, a Sudden fear came into my life, I applied to this university for the sole fact that it had a fee waiver, I started to Obsses with anything college related, but since my Gpa(1.7) and my sat ( not extraordiny) was still the same, I felt like I wasnt Good enough for any of them.
NOW, I have come to the Realization I was Meant For something more, I dont need a college to me who I am.I have HOPE and A FUTURE, and im not Going to let anyone one else decide what to do with my life, when i decided I to Give my life to God, I wanted to do so completly, whether I go to college or not.
and lately I have been feeling, college shouldnt be what i should Focus on.
last weekend when I was in my schools retreat,
there was this time, where everyone who wanted to make a stand for God came to the front and the teachers started praying over us, I feel to my knees... literally fell to my knees, I started crying.. weeping.. sobing..and just pouring my heart out to God, My worries about my future, My desire to live a life worthy of His name..
somebody started praying over me..
my Body started shaking,
and the words from the bible verse came into my mind ... YOU HAVE A HOPE AND A FUTURE
God has been working in me lately, I can feel it, I know it, and I know my purpose in this life is to serve him, and I feel I have a calling For this to be my life.
this next year, after Graduating from Highschool,
I will not be Going to college.
I dont know if eventually, i will, i want to study psycology, perhaps further along,
but Right now.. I Know God has something else for me.
God Says:
SERVE ME
FOLLOW ME
and this is what im going to do.
Ive been thinking, maybe I could do A mission trip
my friend mentioned YWAM, or i could Go to Ihop (international House of prayer), but I dont know if ther accept internationals yet...or i could go to CFNI (Christ for the nations).. I still dont know..
im searching, fasting, praying.. to see what God has in store for me..
if you feel like you know of a place for me to go, or know something from theese places .. please tell me ..i would really apreciate it,
leave a comment
or email me to zoegarcia_92@yahoo.com