GO! - Paul Washer ( this video stirrs me everytime i see it )

God will do his work
GOD is doing his work
God will be glorified
God will be worshiped
God will be rejoiced in
the question is are you gonna be part of it?

THERE are no great men and women of God there are only tiny weak broken men with a merciful God

this has probably been one of the videos that has most marked me
I can stil hear "what part of Go dont you understand?" ..resouding in my head
i feel a calling to missions/ministry .. and this video haunts me .. this video pierced my heart..i want this .. i want this to be a reality in my heart..
missions is not about sending missionaries .. its about send the truth of God through those missionaries ..
I WANT TO KNOW GOD
I WANT TO SEEK TO KNOW HIIM..
His attributes.. His face .. HIM...
for the cry in my heart to be I MUST KNOW YOU..IF I DONT HAVE MORE OF YOU..I DIE
AAAAGHH..i remenber when i first saw this video .. i couldnt stop crying..
it stung.. i want to know what is feels to Violently pursue him..and for that to be what propels me in life..
pursue the very thing for which you where pursued.. TO KNOW HIM.. WHO ARE YOU? TO KNOW YOU .. THIS WILL BE MY MAGNIFICENT OBSSESION.. TO KNOW MY GOD..
that ..the reality that .. everything OUTSIDE OF JESUS CHRIST IS ABSOLUTLY absurd..
and all things where made for him through him and by him and in him .

Let Me In (song by United Pursuit Band)

the lyrics to this song <3 they move me so much ..this is what God feels for you.
open your heart and let me in <3 .. I am aching with love for you ,
I am longing for you ..
look my way , look my way , look my way my love
its gonna be great its gonna be wild .. its gonna be full of me

his heart is aching with love for you ..

found my old journal a couple days ago .. read through it,
i still remenber the day i wrote this .. i was probably 15 or 16 ..
it was during this age that i started having questions..
did anyone really care about me? (other than my parents of course) ..
for some reason ..i thought i was alone in this world ... me against .. well ..everyone
and since.. i knew i couldnt win against ..everyone.. i just shut myslef down..
and wouldnt let anyone in.. that way, i wouldnt be rejected.. ( this doesnt even make sense to me now. .. but back then it was so real to me)
as i look back .. what i needed the most was to feel loved, and when i found this amazing place
.. this never ending source of love.. i was just so in awe...
I know God is many things. he is this big majestic God.. .. sometimes i remember feeling intimidated .. he is so big ..so powerful.. and im so unperfect.. this sinner.. with so many flaws.. what if im not good enough? wouldnt he want someone better?
he came to me .. he knocked on my door.. he wants me
this majestic ... big powerful God. .. loves me , .. wants me .. cares about me ..
and loves me no matter what
his love keeps me going..
its genuine.. this love wont force its way into your heart.. it wont try to manipulate you .. it wont leave when you mess up..
this is the type of love he mentions .. this is the type of love he has for us..
his Love never fails.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 8:37
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 8:17

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.

the clown and the ballerina (oh bravo)

so i remenber the first time i heard this song (look post below) i was .. yeah yeah .. cool song .. ive liked children 18:3 for quite a while .. but the other day not so long ago .. i took the time to sit in my room and plug myself into the music .. and it hit me.. this song .. what its about( at least for me )
im that little girl the song is talking about ..how many times have i felt like im never Good enough.. seriously ... ive felt like im up against the best ..(in this song its a clown and a beautiful ballerina) but seriously to me .. ive never felt like im the best at anything ..there is always someone better .. there is always someone who makes it look prettier,someone smarter someone who is more of this and more of that ... someone ,who i compare myself to ..i look at them then i look at myself .. and i feel like im nothing much..
i feel like that little girl with her little unimpressive song ..
"Run off the stage with bitter tears of shame
Close my eyes and try so hard to make it go away,I just wanna go home and tell my teddy bear "I failed, I failed!"
to the eyes of the world.. im nothing special.. i am very aware of that.. just a heart with a willingness to try my best ..and many times even my best just isnt enough ..
ive had sooo ,soo many issues with not feeling good enough ..low selfesteem..,guarding myself with low expectations
but then there came my heavenly father..
and just like in the song..
"I turned around the corner just to hear my daddy say
Oh, bravo, you're the best, you're my only one
Oh, bravo, that will always be enough
Look at me, your song was beautiful, beautiful
And even if nobody ever knows
...Bravo"

God has opened my eyes ,i no longer want to see myslef through the eyes of the world.. he loves me ..he sees my heart and he thinks im beautiful.. this is where i find my validation.. this is where i feel like im something .. and with him .. i feel like i can do things .. i feel like it no longer just me and my little unimpressive attempt .. he has my back.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

psalm 73:26 ♥

water

i think i have reached a place with my God, that i cant live without him.. without him nothing makes sense.. he makes me who i am.. and who i want to be.. he is my purpose.. my hope.. my future and my present .. king, father, creator,lover, friend.. i need him to be complete.. when i stray away from him .. when for some reason i feel he is far away from me .. i feel empty.. and dry.... my soul dies without him..i need him.. i love him and i am see how much he loves me
when i feel everything is just to hard.. its too hard to follow him .. when i feel no one understands me and i choose to go against him .. when i choose to live for less than i was meant to .. when i choose to believe what the world feeds me even when i know it is all lies .... he opens my eyes .. i see him everywhere.. i feel his embrace .. i see him pursing me .. loving me .. no matter what .. no matter what i have done .. no matter who i have become .. he loves unconditionally .. his love is greater that anything i have ever felt .. and i have never felt it anywhere else ..his love makes me understand how one is willing to sacrifice oneself for another person. to go to great lenghts just to serve someone else .. his love changes people .. his love changed me..
he makes our hearts sensitive of him, of his spirit.. moves us .. breaks us .. melts us.. shakes our inner being from the core to the point that what breaks his heart breaks yours.. you want to love how he has loved you .. its hard .. if I said it any other way i would be lying, its exhausting .. it takes time .. you have to search for him, pursue him .. want him with all your heart .. but i do not regret it.. i do not regret being who i was .. because i Got to feel him lifting me up .. i got to feel him changing me .. telling me who i am .. loving me for the girl he created.. his love never fails ..

im THERE

i think im coming to a point in my life.. yes, if you have read my other posts, you know.. im there..right after high school, right before college.. and now its two months in between.. and im facing probably one of the biggest decision im ever going to make in my life.. what do i want to study?, what life to i want to live?, who am i going to be?in the end i kind of know.. yet don't know the answers to my questions
-what am i going to study? psychology, or something like that .. im still not sure.. but i do know something along that realm.

- what life am i going to live?, i want to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of my God,im in love with him.. i trust him ,not going to say im not scared.. i am, i have no idea whats coming.. i went to a small christian school.. and im going to yes.. a private,Honduran university.. but..its huge, yes, some of my friends will be there.. well two of my high school friends.. but .. its not like im going to be following them around..were probably going to have different classes.. different groups of friends..i mean were still going to be friends but.. its not like im going to see them everyday... its not going to be like in high school.
_who am i going to be? well this one, i could say is the easiest one ..but its not... the first thing i would say .. me, im just going to be me.. of course,but i know im going to change.. its natural, people change..and this something that i have no idea .. time will tell,

right now the first thing i want to do, is to put it off... egh, its two months, whatever..i have time .
but then.. time flies by in front of my eyes..june went by..and i didn't even notice.
its going to be the same with these two months.
its scary it really is..
i guess all i can do is put it in Gods hands, trust him
everything is going to be ok..

this bible verse.. the moment i read it, it brought peace to my heart..
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
im ok.. and i will be ok.. no matter what.. there is always someone looking out for me
God says: im there, i always have been..always will be..things change.. people come..people go..but im still the same.rely on me..
dont be scared.. im here.. and im not going anywhere..

my latest obssesions

well, it all started when i got introduced into lacrea s music, at first i thought was oh just another rapper ... whatever.. im not usually into hip- hop, why would this be different ?
but i youtubed him, and loved it.. just like that.. it was love.. i love his music ..its got a sick beat not to mention his songs speaks truth. the first time i heard this song i remember i felt so inspired.. this is my passion, if im living for myself, whats the point, he gives me a reason to live and Im done being just luke-warm i want to GO HARD for my God.


then another day, i randomly found this other dude called Tedashii, another rapper.. yes another christian rapper.. it was in youtube and i just saw it looked like an good video, it had pretty color
( im not gonna lie, yes that is why i clicked on it) but im glad i did, this song talks about war... spiritual war.. yes its there.. we dont see it but its going on right now..
and we have to fight against our nature.. and take up our cross

Im Going to be OK

soo lately things have been happening in my life.
( by things I mean, not getting accepted to Calvin) and for me it would be easy to give up, ( For me giving up would mean staying to study here in Honduras, i thought it was fine but its not, I WANT MORE), so I started to freak out, as I saw other people getting accepted into colleges, certain of their future, I felt like I was in the air, not knowing where to fall.

....but before I applied to Calvin I prayed, in fact I even mentioned it in the essay "if its Gods will for me to Get into this college, i will be accepted."
and I didnt Get accepted.
when my mother, (who kept the letter from me for a week,before i saw it ) told me I didnt get accepted, I have to admit, I wasnt happy, but I wasnt Sad either .. its wierd.. I didnt feel a thing
Im just like.. ok, so I guess that not it
the next couple weeks after this, a Sudden fear came into my life, I applied to this university for the sole fact that it had a fee waiver, I started to Obsses with anything college related, but since my Gpa(1.7) and my sat ( not extraordiny) was still the same, I felt like I wasnt Good enough for any of them.
NOW, I have come to the Realization I was Meant For something more, I dont need a college to me who I am.I have HOPE and A FUTURE, and im not Going to let anyone one else decide what to do with my life, when i decided I to Give my life to God, I wanted to do so completly, whether I go to college or not.
and lately I have been feeling, college shouldnt be what i should Focus on.
last weekend when I was in my schools retreat,
there was this time, where everyone who wanted to make a stand for God came to the front and the teachers started praying over us, I feel to my knees... literally fell to my knees, I started crying.. weeping.. sobing..and just pouring my heart out to God, My worries about my future, My desire to live a life worthy of His name..
somebody started praying over me..
my Body started shaking,
and the words from the bible verse came into my mind ... YOU HAVE A HOPE AND A FUTURE
God has been working in me lately, I can feel it, I know it, and I know my purpose in this life is to serve him, and I feel I have a calling For this to be my life.
this next year, after Graduating from Highschool,
I will not be Going to college.
I dont know if eventually, i will, i want to study psycology, perhaps further along,
but Right now.. I Know God has something else for me.
God Says:
SERVE ME
FOLLOW ME
and this is what im going to do.
Ive been thinking, maybe I could do A mission trip
my friend mentioned YWAM, or i could Go to Ihop (international House of prayer), but I dont know if ther accept internationals yet...or i could go to CFNI (Christ for the nations).. I still dont know..
im searching, fasting, praying.. to see what God has in store for me..
if you feel like you know of a place for me to go, or know something from theese places .. please tell me ..i would really apreciate it,
leave a comment
or email me to zoegarcia_92@yahoo.com