the clown and the ballerina (oh bravo)

so i remenber the first time i heard this song (look post below) i was .. yeah yeah .. cool song .. ive liked children 18:3 for quite a while .. but the other day not so long ago .. i took the time to sit in my room and plug myself into the music .. and it hit me.. this song .. what its about( at least for me )
im that little girl the song is talking about ..how many times have i felt like im never Good enough.. seriously ... ive felt like im up against the best ..(in this song its a clown and a beautiful ballerina) but seriously to me .. ive never felt like im the best at anything ..there is always someone better .. there is always someone who makes it look prettier,someone smarter someone who is more of this and more of that ... someone ,who i compare myself to ..i look at them then i look at myself .. and i feel like im nothing much..
i feel like that little girl with her little unimpressive song ..
"Run off the stage with bitter tears of shame
Close my eyes and try so hard to make it go away,I just wanna go home and tell my teddy bear "I failed, I failed!"
to the eyes of the world.. im nothing special.. i am very aware of that.. just a heart with a willingness to try my best ..and many times even my best just isnt enough ..
ive had sooo ,soo many issues with not feeling good enough ..low selfesteem..,guarding myself with low expectations
but then there came my heavenly father..
and just like in the song..
"I turned around the corner just to hear my daddy say
Oh, bravo, you're the best, you're my only one
Oh, bravo, that will always be enough
Look at me, your song was beautiful, beautiful
And even if nobody ever knows
...Bravo"

God has opened my eyes ,i no longer want to see myslef through the eyes of the world.. he loves me ..he sees my heart and he thinks im beautiful.. this is where i find my validation.. this is where i feel like im something .. and with him .. i feel like i can do things .. i feel like it no longer just me and my little unimpressive attempt .. he has my back.

Oh, Bravo

infiltrate

I'm a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.
I have Holy Spirit power.
I've stepped over the line,
The decision has been made,
I'm a disciple of His.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past redeemed, my present makes sense,
My future is secure.
I'm finished and done with low living, sidewalking,
Small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,
Tame visions, worldly talking,
Cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, position,
Promotion, applause or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized,
Praised, regarded or rewarded.

I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience.
I'm uplifted by prayer, and labour empowered.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven,
My road is narrow, my way is rough,
My companions are few, my God reliable.

My mission is clear.
I cannot be bumped, compromised, detoured,
Lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice,
Hesitate in the presence of my adversaries,
Negotiate at the table of my enemy
Or ponder at the pool of popularity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up
Until I've stayed up, stored up,
Prayed up, preached up for the cause of Christ.
I am a Disciple of Jesus.

We will fight for You,
We will die for You.
We will go
For You.

til christmas

have you ever felt like you want something, you want it really bad.. and i dont mean just wanting for a little while and then getting over it .. i mean your heart is longing for it, your mind is set upon it ,when it comes up something inside you moves...
this is how i feel right now ..
there is something i want ..
but i am told i have to wait for it , i cant have it yet
its like when someone tells you they have a gift for you but you cant open it til Christmas
you can sense its somewhere in the house, you know its there somewhere but you cant see it because its hidden really well,your anxious to get it, you cant stop thinking about , you start imagining what this gift is like .. your tempted to start looking around ,but deep down you know you have to wait till you get it... all you can do have faith that there is something for you, and that you are going to like it..
im currently studying in a university ..and its ok , for now i know this is where im sposed to be
it was hard in the begining,but as the this first semester ends.. and i am looking foward to christmas break , i see that i am starting to settle in .. ive made new friends and ive learned things i never thought i was capable of doing, i dont get lost anymore .. and im learning to make the best of it ..but i can honestly tell you, i dont know if i will stay here .. not that i dont want to finish my college education ..but i want so much more.. something inside tells me, your here for now .. but your not here for good .. you will go ..but just wait for the right time, wait till i show you where ..wait till i show you how..
this is where i wait .. and this is where my faith has to kick in .. i have a promise, i have a calling
and i know .. no matter where i am .. no matter what .. everything is Going to be ok ..
God has a plan for me .and .i know its perfect...When God wants something to happen He WILL make it happen.
i have hope, and i have hope because he is in me ..

Monster - The Almost

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

psalm 73:26 ♥

that girl

soo today has been a long day, not because its 11:09 and i havent finished my hw
but because.. its just one of those days.. im feeling unmotivated,
i feel like all my classes are ganging up on me.. each in thier own way
math:failing horribly, and worse: not because im not trying but because i genuinely dont understand .. sociology:used to be excited about this class,and im really disapointed, i still tink sociology is interesting .. but this class is boring, no one pays attention, i dont know anyone in this class and they all seem to know each other, i feel really left out..
drawing: the worst part of this class is i dont need to take it.. its my "elective" but its the class that requires the most amount of work .. its always this class.. i try really hard , i spend hours in a drawing or drawing excersise and still get a C .. its frustrating, and it makes me feel bad about myslef.. i like art.. i enjoy drawing.. but im never good enough.. im not an artistt i know that.. i just like art.. im not talented...
i miss my best friend, but i dont want her to know it .. because i know she is doing something Good for herself ..and she is where she is where she is sposed to be right now .. but im selfish and im sad she is not here.. i know things would be so much better if she where here
i have friends here in college but i have felt so lonely lately ..i get to see them but i we dont "talk-talk" we just chat .. you know .. i dont know them that well yet and they dont know me that well either our friendships are still very fragile and no one want to rock the boat and go somewhere uncomfortable ..i think they are awsome poeple.. and im really thankful God put them in my life.. but i wish i could get to know them more.. i wish i could just stop the small talk.. small talk is fine .. i guess.. but i want more .. when i was in highschool i was this quiet, shy,lonely girl .. who felt unnoticed.. i eventually found this group of girl and started feeling like a part of something.. i started to open up and started to show them who i was ..and wasnt scared of being myslef anymore.. and i know im not the same girl from highschool anymore ... ive grown, ive changed .. but i dont want her to come back .. i still feel insecure, im ok with being by myself from time to time .. but i hate feeling lonely .. i dont want to go back there.. and i dont want that wound to be dealt with ... it hurts too much.. i know the people i hang out with dont make me who i am, i know people shouldnt be my joy.. but part of me longs to feel like im a part of something, and i miss having my support system.. my group of friends who i met with every tuesday for bible study.. i miss having teachers who where more than just teachers.. i miss it very much.. and right now i am venting .. i have had this building up inside of me for quite a while and today i couldn't hold it in anymore..
today i was sitting in my room procrastinating ( as i usually do when i have lost motivation)
i prayed For God to put people in my life that i can grow with and help grow and for people i can be a blessing to. i trust my God , and i know eventually things will work out today a friend of mine reminded me that the best things are worth waiting for.. the things the really matter are never easy .. i remenbered i asked God to put me out there, out of my comfort zone, and now im realizing he did, this isnt my comfort zone.. and i know in the long run this is all going to be ok.. i remenbered i told God that i want to live by faith.. and im seeing faith is a journey .. part of why im so weak today, the reason why today my soul feels broken and crushed is because I forgot about him.. its so easy to get caught up in the everyday, to lose yourself in the small details of life .. dumb i know .. but it happens..it happens to me .. i cant be shallow .. and giving up at this point for me just simply isnt an option..lToday God told me he loved me... i felt it .. and the tears wouldnt stop.. i love my God so much.. he gets me and honestly ive never felt ive belonged anywhere, ive never felt like i fit in completely, and today .. when my wounds and insecurities feel out
in the open, he came told me gets me .. and he loves me.. and im not alone
i love my God ..

bubble

my bubble just broke
u can see me cry
my chest open and exposed
walls like eggshells
masks like faces
they dont know me

formspring.me

im on formspring :P, ask me random questions and ill answer http://formspring.me/kitface09

the type

i recently discovered my love for flyleaf, im not usually into hard rock ( sorta).. well im not that into screamo.. im ok with a little screaming in the background.. but not too much .. but i do like a little edge.., well anyyywaay.. the other day i was on this website and i saw flyleaf had a new album out ,( well sorta, it was an old post the album came out a while ago, but new to me ) ive heard some flyleaf before .. the popular ones .. All around me .. which i loved for a while... and cassie .. but i never had any interest in them as a band or any of their other music.. i don't know why though .. i guess i thought they where to" hardcore" for me or something ..
but Ive learned a couple things since then, i can like all sorts of music .. its ok to like a little bit of everything,
its easy to label people according to the music they listen to,the thing is if i did that i don't know where i would fall into.. i like everything .. from Taylor swift, to animal collective.. to aarmin van buuren, to random indie music to frank Sinatra according to Wikipedia: stereotypes are standardized and simplified conceptions of groups based on some prior assumptions." why do we insist on putting people in boxes? giving them labels, and sorting them out like if they where articles of clothing .. people are way to complex to be put into one definite category .. we cant know the whole story just by looking at someones appearance, yes, the music we listen to can show a glimpse about who we are ... but there is more to a person then just the music they listen to, what they wear, what they eat.. who they hang out it with .. theese factors may be a part of it .. but not they are not the whole package ...it cant be that simple ... we have soo much inside us .. if we rely on theese thing to find our identity, we will loose it .. because .. these things change all the time .. people change; circumstances change .. and before we know it we don't know who we are .find ourselves trying to be somebody else, but its exhausting .. emotionally draining ..and worst of all .. we feel fake, where posing, .. why do we do this?, when we where created to be ourselves.. fearfully and wonderfully made .. loved since the moment you where in ur mothers womb, love unconditional, love that will never leave .. ever.. you don't have to pretend to be someone your not .. because he knows you .. more than you know yourself.. he knows .. he knows your insecurities .. he know your fears. he knows the deepest parts of your soul, the things you would never want anyone to see .. he knows and he doesn't judge you .. he feels for you .. when your heart breaks, his breaks too .. he loves you that much,
he love you for who you are.. his creation .. his work of art..
if you think you don't matter.. if you feel like you are uninteresting .. if you feel like a nobody ..
you feel like someone who will never become something relevant.... know.. this is a lie.. know .. know that you are so much more.. you where meant for greatness.. you have a reason to live , God doesnt create "accidents" God doesn't create "mistakes" and you where places on this earth for a reason .. stop thinking less of yourself and start living up to what you where meant to be .. Gods beloved, his son, his daughter .. to him you are unique .. special, if you let him in, if you let him break down your shell, let him break what you feel as a thick layer of protection ... your big wall.. he sees right through it anyway ..
if you feel like you don't belong anywhere.. if you feel like nobody really knows you, the real you .. well he does..
and you don't need to pretend.. he loves you already.. you belong with him,
we where meant to live with him .. to know him .. to love him and have him love you,
dont settle for less..
search for him and he will find you let him wrap his arms around you..this is where you belong.. this who you are..

Flyleaf - In The Dark Lyrics - 07

This Beautiful Republic--Surrender Saved My Life

marshmellow

imagine your in a campfire with your buddies..sitting in a circle around the fire..... marshmallows.. they're sweet.... sugar roasted on a stick.. theyre delicious....u lick your lips to get it all .. its a quick treat.. a moment of yum.
just like when you hear song you love, read something that make you go awww, laughing with friends, going down waterslide, snuggling with your cat,having your doggy get excited when you get home...finding an outfit that you like,wining a game, a cute guy,having things go your way ..having a moment of bliss... life's little peaks ..
but is this really all there is?
these things are great, they give life a little umphff ..a little excitement ..they are marshmellows..one moment you have them .you enjoy them ...but then they're gone...
can i want more than marshmellows? am i too serious?, too deep?.. yes i love these moments.. but can there be more? if I Admit this will anyone understand?too much? there is a possibility that i might be left alone on the campfire ..
wether we know it or not ..we all have a longing for something greater..but sometimes we choose to ignore it..and wait for the next thrill.. the next marshmellow ..until the bag runs out..all along feeling shallow ..truth is we all have some sort of depth.. even if we choose not to see it .. inside us we want something that will last .. not for a moment..not for a second.. fluffiness is okay in the begining..until it fades..then you want more..
i used to live for marshmellows.. and i sometimes i still do..but i when i do .. it feels like a giant part of me is unfulfilled.. because i was meant for so much more.. we all are
there is more.. there is so much more besides myself,.. there is so much more beyond just a momentary thrill ..we just need to open our eyes..

Your Love Never Fails

the deer

water

i think i have reached a place with my God, that i cant live without him.. without him nothing makes sense.. he makes me who i am.. and who i want to be.. he is my purpose.. my hope.. my future and my present .. king, father, creator,lover, friend.. i need him to be complete.. when i stray away from him .. when for some reason i feel he is far away from me .. i feel empty.. and dry.... my soul dies without him..i need him.. i love him and i am see how much he loves me
when i feel everything is just to hard.. its too hard to follow him .. when i feel no one understands me and i choose to go against him .. when i choose to live for less than i was meant to .. when i choose to believe what the world feeds me even when i know it is all lies .... he opens my eyes .. i see him everywhere.. i feel his embrace .. i see him pursing me .. loving me .. no matter what .. no matter what i have done .. no matter who i have become .. he loves unconditionally .. his love is greater that anything i have ever felt .. and i have never felt it anywhere else ..his love makes me understand how one is willing to sacrifice oneself for another person. to go to great lenghts just to serve someone else .. his love changes people .. his love changed me..
he makes our hearts sensitive of him, of his spirit.. moves us .. breaks us .. melts us.. shakes our inner being from the core to the point that what breaks his heart breaks yours.. you want to love how he has loved you .. its hard .. if I said it any other way i would be lying, its exhausting .. it takes time .. you have to search for him, pursue him .. want him with all your heart .. but i do not regret it.. i do not regret being who i was .. because i Got to feel him lifting me up .. i got to feel him changing me .. telling me who i am .. loving me for the girl he created.. his love never fails ..

the better, the greater

I have this theory.. that in some point in our lives we all go through some sort of existential crises.. i had mine not that long ago .. this theory of mine could be a way of me not feeling like a weirdo or a deep realization about our human nature ( or something like that) we all want to know why we are here.. why are we alive? am i special to anybody out there ? ..Do i have some special purpose here on earth? if i where to die tomorrow.. was the life worth living?
I know the answer to most of these questions.. deep down in the core of my heart.. I know the moment my life stopped being my own.. the moment i decided i didnt want to live just to live .. my life started to mean something.. i was always special to Him.. he always Loved me.. and will always love me no matter what.. but i was didnt see it .. i was too consumed in myself... i never saw anything but me..sometime i go back to that.. life starts giving me crap .. and i focus on that .. i get stuck in my sucky littly rut .. focus on stupid little things .. and forget about the greater.. the better ..

toy story 3

so .. my new favorite movie right now is toy story three... i saw it a couple weeks ago..and i still remember it .
i laughed.. i cried.. i even think it taught me something..
the same day i went to see this movie, i went to the airport to say goodbye to a really close friend of mine. who i know i will miss...and well i have been having to say goodbye to a lot of people recently..they are going to study in the states.. or going to the other half of the world and who knows when i will ever see them again .. or worse IF i will ever see them again.. the day i saw toy story three was a really sad day .. and im glad i saw it when i did.. i definitely lightened my day up
a part of me wants my friends to stay here and be with me always.. but that's just me being selfish
i want them to be happy .. i want them live and have a wonderful life .. whether im in it or not.
im sure there are people in my class i will probably never see again..it a part of life..and i accept it
in the end of the movie Andi didn't take his toys to college .. of course he didn't.. ( it would've been weird ) but he left them somewhere he knew they would be happy.. i cant do that for my friends..but i can pray for them .. i can encourage them .. i can be there for them no matter what.. loving them someone doesn't always mean wanting them to be with me forever.. part of loving is wanting to see them happy.

Dreamlab- Love to Love You

the point is taken

• dont lie to me
• but dont tell me im wrong
• because i know im not right
• it would ruin the song
• whos the person in the mirror
• I guess i just go along
• tomorrow ill be thinking clearer
• the end is like a tunnel
• the point is taken
• i feel like the im a funnel
• ... its mistaken
• why does it have to be this way?
• this is when i go and pray
• i just learned in this place i will stay
• i will love you anyway
• my heart goes out to you
• you know this is not okay
• i cant judge you
• i feel so Grey
• i miss you
• im in alphanumeric display

223B6DA0-2F21-BD4D-6E08-F07ED41E1E02

1.02.28

im THERE

i think im coming to a point in my life.. yes, if you have read my other posts, you know.. im there..right after high school, right before college.. and now its two months in between.. and im facing probably one of the biggest decision im ever going to make in my life.. what do i want to study?, what life to i want to live?, who am i going to be?in the end i kind of know.. yet don't know the answers to my questions
-what am i going to study? psychology, or something like that .. im still not sure.. but i do know something along that realm.

- what life am i going to live?, i want to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of my God,im in love with him.. i trust him ,not going to say im not scared.. i am, i have no idea whats coming.. i went to a small christian school.. and im going to yes.. a private,Honduran university.. but..its huge, yes, some of my friends will be there.. well two of my high school friends.. but .. its not like im going to be following them around..were probably going to have different classes.. different groups of friends..i mean were still going to be friends but.. its not like im going to see them everyday... its not going to be like in high school.
_who am i going to be? well this one, i could say is the easiest one ..but its not... the first thing i would say .. me, im just going to be me.. of course,but i know im going to change.. its natural, people change..and this something that i have no idea .. time will tell,

right now the first thing i want to do, is to put it off... egh, its two months, whatever..i have time .
but then.. time flies by in front of my eyes..june went by..and i didn't even notice.
its going to be the same with these two months.
its scary it really is..
i guess all i can do is put it in Gods hands, trust him
everything is going to be ok..

this bible verse.. the moment i read it, it brought peace to my heart..
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
im ok.. and i will be ok.. no matter what.. there is always someone looking out for me
God says: im there, i always have been..always will be..things change.. people come..people go..but im still the same.rely on me..
dont be scared.. im here.. and im not going anywhere..

my latest obssesions

well, it all started when i got introduced into lacrea s music, at first i thought was oh just another rapper ... whatever.. im not usually into hip- hop, why would this be different ?
but i youtubed him, and loved it.. just like that.. it was love.. i love his music ..its got a sick beat not to mention his songs speaks truth. the first time i heard this song i remember i felt so inspired.. this is my passion, if im living for myself, whats the point, he gives me a reason to live and Im done being just luke-warm i want to GO HARD for my God.


then another day, i randomly found this other dude called Tedashii, another rapper.. yes another christian rapper.. it was in youtube and i just saw it looked like an good video, it had pretty color
( im not gonna lie, yes that is why i clicked on it) but im glad i did, this song talks about war... spiritual war.. yes its there.. we dont see it but its going on right now..
and we have to fight against our nature.. and take up our cross

this is who i am.

i grew up , and still am in a very strong christian family
but when i was little i hated going to church.. i didnt hate God or anything like that, i just thought it was extremely boring.. especially sunday school where they always made me color with used up crayons in a very hot .. AC-less room... with lots of kid i didnt know..
as a little kid my parents tried to make me go.. and i do remenber going
but later my parent never made us go to church.. it was always our choice.
we could chose not to go.. and i usually did.and i went to grandmas and spent the afternoon watching tv.
I grew up not liking church.
i went to a christian school, we took bible class , in elementary i remenber trying to memorize bible verses for the usual spellig/bible test on friday. we had a bible workbook and a bible in our cubbies. i knew of God, i knew all the bible stories, adam and eve in the Garden, noahs ark, the walls of jerico, daniel in the lions den, and all the usual..the songs.. my parents
they bought us bible story books and this is what they read to us before bed..
but it went beyond that.. i saw my parents were really passionate about this God,
when there where hard times .. it was him who they realied on.. when my sister couldnt sleep at night because she was scared.. my dad prayed with her .. read scripture with her
to me .. this God was their rock and thier refuge
to me this God meant i wasnt allowed to do what i heard the other kids where doing,
all i wanted was to fit it.. desperately .. and the worst part is that im shy .. but it used to be worse
when i was in elementary, i remenber sitting alone in recess.. being the last one to be picked.. always having to tell the teacher i didnt have a partner for the project.. it came to the point.. when i was in highschool that i wouldnt talk to anyone.. unless spoken to first.. unless i had to
i had no friends .. i was just there.. i felt unoticed.. unloved.. i hated myself for being this way.
i used to pretend i didnt care, i was the loner .. but in my heart i wished i was going to that party.
i wished i had been invited to her house, i sat in class and heard .. what they did in the weekend .. how they did that stupid thing in the mall ..and my heart broke.
then, in ninth grade this one teacher started a bible study.. i was curious so i went
i remenber the first biblestudy i went to.. there where like 15 girls crammed in her little apartment living room.. i continued to go .. and there where less and less girl.. and it ended up being a group of around 9 or ten girls that where the ones that always came.. i was still shy, but i started to feel like was part of something.. i remenber it was here that i started opening up.. i started to share my heart.. feel like someone cared.
that year, in the anual school retreat...
i prayed to God ..
i prayed .. father.. this is your life... father this is forever.. this is our journey.
im still friends with the group that went to bible study .. im still really close to some of them,
i can tell you whole heartedly, that my life has changed since i was in seventh grade..
im still shy.. its just the way i am .. but now i know i am loved.. this is who i am .. this is who i was created to be.. i am loved.. yes .. i have friends now.. close friends
but even more than that, i know there is some one who loves me for who i am
i dont to pretend im someone im not for him to love me
he knows me more than anyone else
and he LOVES me, more than anyone else is even capable of loving
its been a long journey since.. im not in ninth grade anymore ..in fact im not even in highschool anymore..
i graduated last week. i wont have chapels every monday, or bible class
i dont HAVE to read my bible
i dont HAVE to pray
i want to .
i now know the God my parents so passionately pursue, and want to please.
and i love him, and i want to pursue and please him too
i know what real love is, i know this sounds cheesy.. but its true.
i dont have to understand who i was.. in fact i dont even like to remenber who i was before ninth grade.. who was that girl?, why was i that way?
truth is I dont know..
right now .. right after highschool.. right before college... three months in between.
i pray God puts amazing people in my life..
even if they let me down, my identity is in God not people... they might think im some girl..
but i know who i am..

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records
yeah.. its pretty sweet ..
as always im a sucker for free music
check this out ..
tooth and nail records give aways 15+ song for free

right now

so, after many stressful tests and long, long weeks of school, I can officially say i am done with high school. whats next? well honestly, i don't know..
right now im focusing on right now...and right now i have the baccalaureate thing ( im still not sure of what it is), graduation and .... yes, prom.
it feels surreal... i don't if has really gotten to me yet.. maybe after graduation, after i see say goodbye to my classmates, and teachers.. after i go to the airport to say goodbye to my friends that are leaving to the states for college .. maybe then
its weird.
right now im in a state of.. i dont know..
im enjoying this..

Make War

healing

today , i experienced something new.. and it feels really good.
i feel kind of emotionally exhausted , but in a good way ( its hard to describe)
on Wednesday, a couple of 9th graders have a bible study in my house .. i usually join them.
my friend was telling me the other day how she had done this thing called inner healing ,i was intrigued, so she told me more, i kind of understood, but i still wanted to know more, .. i wanted to do it myself , so she suggested we do it on 9th grade b- study's Wednesday, and i was all for it
we brought it up that day, but the leaders didn't know much about it..so my friend said she would ask her youth pastor to come and help out
the next Wednesday.. only one kid showed up.. we still had bible study and it was good, it was just him, my sister, my friend and me..but we didn't do the inner healing thing
i was disappointed.. but i knew, it still wasn't time, this wasn't the day it was sposed to happen,
last Wednesday we had bible study as we usually do and my friend called her youth pastor, he gave us bible verses, and asked if we had any questions about it..and it took a while , just to explain what it was all about, inner healing is basically examining our lives..seeing aspects we might not have thought of before.
he started by telling us to divide a sheet a paper into three separate parts..
for the first part.. we listed things that have been in our family for a long time .. sicknesses, divorces, fights between families.. eating disorders, cancer .. that we see have caused hurt and pain from generation to generation .. what we can call generational curses..
I wrote everything i could think of ..
after we all finished he told us to repeat the prayer he was saying out loud, to be confident in it and to believe it with all our hearts..
" dear God, we believe you have set us free you on the cross you beat death, and we are your children.. father we come today to leave this at your cross..
we are free from this sin that has been weighing us down.. we live for you and this is not going to keep us from you .. we are free"
.. after that we prayed by ourselves.. and started reading our list out loud but quiet enough for no one else to hear.. as we read the list out loud he started praying over us along with his two other friends..

on the next section of the list we made a list of the sins we struggle with .. the sins that no matter what ..we keep falling to ..that seem to have a strong hold on us .. that we keep repenting of .. but we still keep coming back to them.. he gave as an example a kid he knows who no matter how hard he tried , he couldnt stop watching pornography.. no matter how much he resisted.. his body even woke up at the exact hour , even when he didn't want to ..
as I started doing my list i started to feel heavy .. my stomach was in a knot.. i felt guilt ,shame.. I even thought of leaving out some things...but i didn't
..we started praying again.. this time when i was praying, I felt like I was struggling ..as i read my long-long list i started to
stutter.. felt like if everyone was listening to my words.. I opened my eyes to see everyone completely absorbed into their own prayer.. and youth pastor and friends praying over us going around the room.. I feel to my knees and continued praying.. this time with even more intensity
when i finished reading my list, he did a final prayer, when i stood up .. i felt like i had released something i had been carrying for a long time.
after that.. he said.. this is probably the hardest part.. think of everyone that has ever hurt you ..anyone that has given you a hard time..
- as i started making my list I noticed most of the people on my list where people i love.. my sister, my parents..and my close friends.. and it was for things they probably didnt even remember .. a hurtful comment.. having something i want and didn't get..making me feel less.
when i was in elementary ... i was teased by my class and I was the kid that had no friends and was always picked last, .. ..Certain people who gave me nicknames and gave me a hard time , most of them are totally different from who they where in elementary .. but sometimes.. on rare occasions i still remember who they used to be .. and I don't want that .. the past is the past. I added my class to the list.
-when i read this list out-loud.. in my heart i knew thees people had been forgiven..
i started to cry..not because of sadness but because i hadn't felt this way in a very long time.

when we all finished praying we all got our papers and ripped them into tiny pieces.. into a bowl
we suggested to burn them .. but it was late ...so for time matter we just discarded them.
i volunteered, and smiled as i poured the tiny bit of paper into the garbage.

Isaiah 53:4, "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted."

Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

Psalms 23:3, "He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Hebrews 12:15, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Romans 5:1, "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Isaiah 43:25, "I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins."

Hebrews 10:22, "...draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water."Colossians 1:22-23, "...he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed by God to proclaim it."

...

blogster

its probably really stupid of me to be awake at this hour .. its 3:25 am ..
and i Have school tomorrow ( or today ) .. but i got distracted .. this bloging thing is a good one
i started looking for blogs to follow.. an no i dont mean just clicking follow to every single blog that i land on .. actually reading them ..actually taking the time to read thier new and old blogposts
and I found some cool, interesting,inspiring , moving stories .. and i love it
i remenber when I first started this blog .. i just wanted a place to vent.. and write down my thoughts...like a diary .. i never thought anyone would ever see this..
one day it occured to me .. its a blog, i should join a comunity or something
and i did.. and now people actually read my blog.. and follow it .. its kind of exciting
i like this whole blogging thing.. i like that i get to get a glimpse into other peoples lives, i like that i can open up and bassically pour my thoughts and feelings to strangers .. i like it , it feels good.

znge:)

hey check out my tmblr blog :)
znge92.tumblr.com

Resurrection: Rob Bell from The Work of Rob Bell on Vimeo.

wild (?)

so its saturday, and the week is almost over, my springbreak vacation week wasnt as fun or exciting as i wanted it to be my family doesnt like to travel during this week because "its not safe"because there are way to many crazy drvers on the road.,.whatever..
but now that the week is almost over my thoughts are on things i could done and didnt do
i made a promise to myself that when it comes to me.. I want to be adventurous..I want to be the crazy traveller person type.. i want to go places.. enjoy them.. savour them,embrace them, get to know them.
when i am able to ... i want go on ramdom spur of the moment roadtrips, even if i dont know where im going .. roll down the windows , breath the fresh air, plug in my ipod and play my music loud
i want to be the type of person that gets down frown the car and walks and takes pictures... even if its in the middle of nowwhere ..
i guess deep inside me there is an adverntourous heart.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE

This is your life .... are you who you want to be?

simple.. yet it pierces my heart to the deepest part... who do i want to be?,
what am i going to do about it?

:) (18)

so its my eighteenth birthday ( or was) , its like 12:18 , in a Wednesday night..
here in Honduras 18 basically means, i can get a license ( yes until im 18), I can get an ID, if i could drive,( which i can, but not well enough yet),and  im sure this would feel like a big deal, but right now I feel, well the same, maybe it hasnt sunk in yet.. im 18, im a senior its wierd, time goes by soo fast , i feel old.. kinda

the other day, i was in my room, I was set upon doing my homework..(wich i didnt, but no worries i did it second period the next day), I had my ipod set on shuffle and this really great song by Switchfoot came up..this is your life .
and i dont know if youve ever felt this .. but i felt God speaking to me through that song
during theese months( me being a senior and all), i have been feeling , like .. well its hard to describe.. like my life hasnt started yet..
"THIS IS YOUR LIFE , ARE YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BE?"
THIS IS YOUR LIFE, ARE YOU EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED THAT IS WOULD BE WHEN THE WORLD WAS YOUNGER, AND YOU HAD EVERYTHING TO LOOSE"
theese words, i can just feel them ressonating in my insides, its like they go deep inside to somehwere even I didnt know existed in me
I have a bassic idea of what I want to be when i Grow up, i have this bassic idea of what i want my life to be ..
and i keep thinking about me in the future, looking back to where i am right now, what would i think?

:) i want to go THere...

"dont ask what the world needs , ask what makes you come alive and go do it for the world needs people that have come alive "

Im Going to be OK

soo lately things have been happening in my life.
( by things I mean, not getting accepted to Calvin) and for me it would be easy to give up, ( For me giving up would mean staying to study here in Honduras, i thought it was fine but its not, I WANT MORE), so I started to freak out, as I saw other people getting accepted into colleges, certain of their future, I felt like I was in the air, not knowing where to fall.

....but before I applied to Calvin I prayed, in fact I even mentioned it in the essay "if its Gods will for me to Get into this college, i will be accepted."
and I didnt Get accepted.
when my mother, (who kept the letter from me for a week,before i saw it ) told me I didnt get accepted, I have to admit, I wasnt happy, but I wasnt Sad either .. its wierd.. I didnt feel a thing
Im just like.. ok, so I guess that not it
the next couple weeks after this, a Sudden fear came into my life, I applied to this university for the sole fact that it had a fee waiver, I started to Obsses with anything college related, but since my Gpa(1.7) and my sat ( not extraordiny) was still the same, I felt like I wasnt Good enough for any of them.
NOW, I have come to the Realization I was Meant For something more, I dont need a college to me who I am.I have HOPE and A FUTURE, and im not Going to let anyone one else decide what to do with my life, when i decided I to Give my life to God, I wanted to do so completly, whether I go to college or not.
and lately I have been feeling, college shouldnt be what i should Focus on.
last weekend when I was in my schools retreat,
there was this time, where everyone who wanted to make a stand for God came to the front and the teachers started praying over us, I feel to my knees... literally fell to my knees, I started crying.. weeping.. sobing..and just pouring my heart out to God, My worries about my future, My desire to live a life worthy of His name..
somebody started praying over me..
my Body started shaking,
and the words from the bible verse came into my mind ... YOU HAVE A HOPE AND A FUTURE
God has been working in me lately, I can feel it, I know it, and I know my purpose in this life is to serve him, and I feel I have a calling For this to be my life.
this next year, after Graduating from Highschool,
I will not be Going to college.
I dont know if eventually, i will, i want to study psycology, perhaps further along,
but Right now.. I Know God has something else for me.
God Says:
SERVE ME
FOLLOW ME
and this is what im going to do.
Ive been thinking, maybe I could do A mission trip
my friend mentioned YWAM, or i could Go to Ihop (international House of prayer), but I dont know if ther accept internationals yet...or i could go to CFNI (Christ for the nations).. I still dont know..
im searching, fasting, praying.. to see what God has in store for me..
if you feel like you know of a place for me to go, or know something from theese places .. please tell me ..i would really apreciate it,
leave a comment
or email me to zoegarcia_92@yahoo.com

there is something that im in the process of learning, and its been a while
i am loved beyond measure. and not just "love" love .. but LOVE
the type of love that doesnt stop loving after i do something stupid
the type of love that wont ever stop loving even if i dont love back
the type of love where i dont have to pretend to be someone im not, because he already knows me, yes, even more than i know myself
i dont understand..
i dont think i ever wil
but i am overwhelmed

isnt he cute? ..
meet my furry friend
gato.