the clown and the ballerina (oh bravo)

so i remenber the first time i heard this song (look post below) i was .. yeah yeah .. cool song .. ive liked children 18:3 for quite a while .. but the other day not so long ago .. i took the time to sit in my room and plug myself into the music .. and it hit me.. this song .. what its about( at least for me )
im that little girl the song is talking about ..how many times have i felt like im never Good enough.. seriously ... ive felt like im up against the best ..(in this song its a clown and a beautiful ballerina) but seriously to me .. ive never felt like im the best at anything ..there is always someone better .. there is always someone who makes it look prettier,someone smarter someone who is more of this and more of that ... someone ,who i compare myself to ..i look at them then i look at myself .. and i feel like im nothing much..
i feel like that little girl with her little unimpressive song ..
"Run off the stage with bitter tears of shame
Close my eyes and try so hard to make it go away,I just wanna go home and tell my teddy bear "I failed, I failed!"
to the eyes of the world.. im nothing special.. i am very aware of that.. just a heart with a willingness to try my best ..and many times even my best just isnt enough ..
ive had sooo ,soo many issues with not feeling good enough ..low selfesteem..,guarding myself with low expectations
but then there came my heavenly father..
and just like in the song..
"I turned around the corner just to hear my daddy say
Oh, bravo, you're the best, you're my only one
Oh, bravo, that will always be enough
Look at me, your song was beautiful, beautiful
And even if nobody ever knows
...Bravo"

God has opened my eyes ,i no longer want to see myslef through the eyes of the world.. he loves me ..he sees my heart and he thinks im beautiful.. this is where i find my validation.. this is where i feel like im something .. and with him .. i feel like i can do things .. i feel like it no longer just me and my little unimpressive attempt .. he has my back.

Oh, Bravo

infiltrate

I'm a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.
I have Holy Spirit power.
I've stepped over the line,
The decision has been made,
I'm a disciple of His.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past redeemed, my present makes sense,
My future is secure.
I'm finished and done with low living, sidewalking,
Small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,
Tame visions, worldly talking,
Cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, position,
Promotion, applause or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized,
Praised, regarded or rewarded.

I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience.
I'm uplifted by prayer, and labour empowered.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven,
My road is narrow, my way is rough,
My companions are few, my God reliable.

My mission is clear.
I cannot be bumped, compromised, detoured,
Lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice,
Hesitate in the presence of my adversaries,
Negotiate at the table of my enemy
Or ponder at the pool of popularity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up
Until I've stayed up, stored up,
Prayed up, preached up for the cause of Christ.
I am a Disciple of Jesus.

We will fight for You,
We will die for You.
We will go
For You.

til christmas

have you ever felt like you want something, you want it really bad.. and i dont mean just wanting for a little while and then getting over it .. i mean your heart is longing for it, your mind is set upon it ,when it comes up something inside you moves...
this is how i feel right now ..
there is something i want ..
but i am told i have to wait for it , i cant have it yet
its like when someone tells you they have a gift for you but you cant open it til Christmas
you can sense its somewhere in the house, you know its there somewhere but you cant see it because its hidden really well,your anxious to get it, you cant stop thinking about , you start imagining what this gift is like .. your tempted to start looking around ,but deep down you know you have to wait till you get it... all you can do have faith that there is something for you, and that you are going to like it..
im currently studying in a university ..and its ok , for now i know this is where im sposed to be
it was hard in the begining,but as the this first semester ends.. and i am looking foward to christmas break , i see that i am starting to settle in .. ive made new friends and ive learned things i never thought i was capable of doing, i dont get lost anymore .. and im learning to make the best of it ..but i can honestly tell you, i dont know if i will stay here .. not that i dont want to finish my college education ..but i want so much more.. something inside tells me, your here for now .. but your not here for good .. you will go ..but just wait for the right time, wait till i show you where ..wait till i show you how..
this is where i wait .. and this is where my faith has to kick in .. i have a promise, i have a calling
and i know .. no matter where i am .. no matter what .. everything is Going to be ok ..
God has a plan for me .and .i know its perfect...When God wants something to happen He WILL make it happen.
i have hope, and i have hope because he is in me ..