im THERE

i think im coming to a point in my life.. yes, if you have read my other posts, you know.. im there..right after high school, right before college.. and now its two months in between.. and im facing probably one of the biggest decision im ever going to make in my life.. what do i want to study?, what life to i want to live?, who am i going to be?in the end i kind of know.. yet don't know the answers to my questions
-what am i going to study? psychology, or something like that .. im still not sure.. but i do know something along that realm.

- what life am i going to live?, i want to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of my God,im in love with him.. i trust him ,not going to say im not scared.. i am, i have no idea whats coming.. i went to a small christian school.. and im going to yes.. a private,Honduran university.. but..its huge, yes, some of my friends will be there.. well two of my high school friends.. but .. its not like im going to be following them around..were probably going to have different classes.. different groups of friends..i mean were still going to be friends but.. its not like im going to see them everyday... its not going to be like in high school.
_who am i going to be? well this one, i could say is the easiest one ..but its not... the first thing i would say .. me, im just going to be me.. of course,but i know im going to change.. its natural, people change..and this something that i have no idea .. time will tell,

right now the first thing i want to do, is to put it off... egh, its two months, whatever..i have time .
but then.. time flies by in front of my eyes..june went by..and i didn't even notice.
its going to be the same with these two months.
its scary it really is..
i guess all i can do is put it in Gods hands, trust him
everything is going to be ok..

this bible verse.. the moment i read it, it brought peace to my heart..
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
im ok.. and i will be ok.. no matter what.. there is always someone looking out for me
God says: im there, i always have been..always will be..things change.. people come..people go..but im still the same.rely on me..
dont be scared.. im here.. and im not going anywhere..

my latest obssesions

well, it all started when i got introduced into lacrea s music, at first i thought was oh just another rapper ... whatever.. im not usually into hip- hop, why would this be different ?
but i youtubed him, and loved it.. just like that.. it was love.. i love his music ..its got a sick beat not to mention his songs speaks truth. the first time i heard this song i remember i felt so inspired.. this is my passion, if im living for myself, whats the point, he gives me a reason to live and Im done being just luke-warm i want to GO HARD for my God.


then another day, i randomly found this other dude called Tedashii, another rapper.. yes another christian rapper.. it was in youtube and i just saw it looked like an good video, it had pretty color
( im not gonna lie, yes that is why i clicked on it) but im glad i did, this song talks about war... spiritual war.. yes its there.. we dont see it but its going on right now..
and we have to fight against our nature.. and take up our cross

this is who i am.

i grew up , and still am in a very strong christian family
but when i was little i hated going to church.. i didnt hate God or anything like that, i just thought it was extremely boring.. especially sunday school where they always made me color with used up crayons in a very hot .. AC-less room... with lots of kid i didnt know..
as a little kid my parents tried to make me go.. and i do remenber going
but later my parent never made us go to church.. it was always our choice.
we could chose not to go.. and i usually did.and i went to grandmas and spent the afternoon watching tv.
I grew up not liking church.
i went to a christian school, we took bible class , in elementary i remenber trying to memorize bible verses for the usual spellig/bible test on friday. we had a bible workbook and a bible in our cubbies. i knew of God, i knew all the bible stories, adam and eve in the Garden, noahs ark, the walls of jerico, daniel in the lions den, and all the usual..the songs.. my parents
they bought us bible story books and this is what they read to us before bed..
but it went beyond that.. i saw my parents were really passionate about this God,
when there where hard times .. it was him who they realied on.. when my sister couldnt sleep at night because she was scared.. my dad prayed with her .. read scripture with her
to me .. this God was their rock and thier refuge
to me this God meant i wasnt allowed to do what i heard the other kids where doing,
all i wanted was to fit it.. desperately .. and the worst part is that im shy .. but it used to be worse
when i was in elementary, i remenber sitting alone in recess.. being the last one to be picked.. always having to tell the teacher i didnt have a partner for the project.. it came to the point.. when i was in highschool that i wouldnt talk to anyone.. unless spoken to first.. unless i had to
i had no friends .. i was just there.. i felt unoticed.. unloved.. i hated myself for being this way.
i used to pretend i didnt care, i was the loner .. but in my heart i wished i was going to that party.
i wished i had been invited to her house, i sat in class and heard .. what they did in the weekend .. how they did that stupid thing in the mall ..and my heart broke.
then, in ninth grade this one teacher started a bible study.. i was curious so i went
i remenber the first biblestudy i went to.. there where like 15 girls crammed in her little apartment living room.. i continued to go .. and there where less and less girl.. and it ended up being a group of around 9 or ten girls that where the ones that always came.. i was still shy, but i started to feel like was part of something.. i remenber it was here that i started opening up.. i started to share my heart.. feel like someone cared.
that year, in the anual school retreat...
i prayed to God ..
i prayed .. father.. this is your life... father this is forever.. this is our journey.
im still friends with the group that went to bible study .. im still really close to some of them,
i can tell you whole heartedly, that my life has changed since i was in seventh grade..
im still shy.. its just the way i am .. but now i know i am loved.. this is who i am .. this is who i was created to be.. i am loved.. yes .. i have friends now.. close friends
but even more than that, i know there is some one who loves me for who i am
i dont to pretend im someone im not for him to love me
he knows me more than anyone else
and he LOVES me, more than anyone else is even capable of loving
its been a long journey since.. im not in ninth grade anymore ..in fact im not even in highschool anymore..
i graduated last week. i wont have chapels every monday, or bible class
i dont HAVE to read my bible
i dont HAVE to pray
i want to .
i now know the God my parents so passionately pursue, and want to please.
and i love him, and i want to pursue and please him too
i know what real love is, i know this sounds cheesy.. but its true.
i dont have to understand who i was.. in fact i dont even like to remenber who i was before ninth grade.. who was that girl?, why was i that way?
truth is I dont know..
right now .. right after highschool.. right before college... three months in between.
i pray God puts amazing people in my life..
even if they let me down, my identity is in God not people... they might think im some girl..
but i know who i am..

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records
yeah.. its pretty sweet ..
as always im a sucker for free music
check this out ..
tooth and nail records give aways 15+ song for free

right now

so, after many stressful tests and long, long weeks of school, I can officially say i am done with high school. whats next? well honestly, i don't know..
right now im focusing on right now...and right now i have the baccalaureate thing ( im still not sure of what it is), graduation and .... yes, prom.
it feels surreal... i don't if has really gotten to me yet.. maybe after graduation, after i see say goodbye to my classmates, and teachers.. after i go to the airport to say goodbye to my friends that are leaving to the states for college .. maybe then
its weird.
right now im in a state of.. i dont know..
im enjoying this..

Make War

healing

today , i experienced something new.. and it feels really good.
i feel kind of emotionally exhausted , but in a good way ( its hard to describe)
on Wednesday, a couple of 9th graders have a bible study in my house .. i usually join them.
my friend was telling me the other day how she had done this thing called inner healing ,i was intrigued, so she told me more, i kind of understood, but i still wanted to know more, .. i wanted to do it myself , so she suggested we do it on 9th grade b- study's Wednesday, and i was all for it
we brought it up that day, but the leaders didn't know much about it..so my friend said she would ask her youth pastor to come and help out
the next Wednesday.. only one kid showed up.. we still had bible study and it was good, it was just him, my sister, my friend and me..but we didn't do the inner healing thing
i was disappointed.. but i knew, it still wasn't time, this wasn't the day it was sposed to happen,
last Wednesday we had bible study as we usually do and my friend called her youth pastor, he gave us bible verses, and asked if we had any questions about it..and it took a while , just to explain what it was all about, inner healing is basically examining our lives..seeing aspects we might not have thought of before.
he started by telling us to divide a sheet a paper into three separate parts..
for the first part.. we listed things that have been in our family for a long time .. sicknesses, divorces, fights between families.. eating disorders, cancer .. that we see have caused hurt and pain from generation to generation .. what we can call generational curses..
I wrote everything i could think of ..
after we all finished he told us to repeat the prayer he was saying out loud, to be confident in it and to believe it with all our hearts..
" dear God, we believe you have set us free you on the cross you beat death, and we are your children.. father we come today to leave this at your cross..
we are free from this sin that has been weighing us down.. we live for you and this is not going to keep us from you .. we are free"
.. after that we prayed by ourselves.. and started reading our list out loud but quiet enough for no one else to hear.. as we read the list out loud he started praying over us along with his two other friends..

on the next section of the list we made a list of the sins we struggle with .. the sins that no matter what ..we keep falling to ..that seem to have a strong hold on us .. that we keep repenting of .. but we still keep coming back to them.. he gave as an example a kid he knows who no matter how hard he tried , he couldnt stop watching pornography.. no matter how much he resisted.. his body even woke up at the exact hour , even when he didn't want to ..
as I started doing my list i started to feel heavy .. my stomach was in a knot.. i felt guilt ,shame.. I even thought of leaving out some things...but i didn't
..we started praying again.. this time when i was praying, I felt like I was struggling ..as i read my long-long list i started to
stutter.. felt like if everyone was listening to my words.. I opened my eyes to see everyone completely absorbed into their own prayer.. and youth pastor and friends praying over us going around the room.. I feel to my knees and continued praying.. this time with even more intensity
when i finished reading my list, he did a final prayer, when i stood up .. i felt like i had released something i had been carrying for a long time.
after that.. he said.. this is probably the hardest part.. think of everyone that has ever hurt you ..anyone that has given you a hard time..
- as i started making my list I noticed most of the people on my list where people i love.. my sister, my parents..and my close friends.. and it was for things they probably didnt even remember .. a hurtful comment.. having something i want and didn't get..making me feel less.
when i was in elementary ... i was teased by my class and I was the kid that had no friends and was always picked last, .. ..Certain people who gave me nicknames and gave me a hard time , most of them are totally different from who they where in elementary .. but sometimes.. on rare occasions i still remember who they used to be .. and I don't want that .. the past is the past. I added my class to the list.
-when i read this list out-loud.. in my heart i knew thees people had been forgiven..
i started to cry..not because of sadness but because i hadn't felt this way in a very long time.

when we all finished praying we all got our papers and ripped them into tiny pieces.. into a bowl
we suggested to burn them .. but it was late ...so for time matter we just discarded them.
i volunteered, and smiled as i poured the tiny bit of paper into the garbage.

Isaiah 53:4, "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted."

Psalms 147:3, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

Psalms 23:3, "He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Hebrews 12:15, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Psalms 103:12, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Romans 5:1, "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Isaiah 43:25, "I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins."

Hebrews 10:22, "...draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water."Colossians 1:22-23, "...he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed by God to proclaim it."

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