Dreamlab- Love to Love You

the point is taken

• dont lie to me
• but dont tell me im wrong
• because i know im not right
• it would ruin the song
• whos the person in the mirror
• I guess i just go along
• tomorrow ill be thinking clearer
• the end is like a tunnel
• the point is taken
• i feel like the im a funnel
• ... its mistaken
• why does it have to be this way?
• this is when i go and pray
• i just learned in this place i will stay
• i will love you anyway
• my heart goes out to you
• you know this is not okay
• i cant judge you
• i feel so Grey
• i miss you
• im in alphanumeric display

223B6DA0-2F21-BD4D-6E08-F07ED41E1E02

1.02.28

im THERE

i think im coming to a point in my life.. yes, if you have read my other posts, you know.. im there..right after high school, right before college.. and now its two months in between.. and im facing probably one of the biggest decision im ever going to make in my life.. what do i want to study?, what life to i want to live?, who am i going to be?in the end i kind of know.. yet don't know the answers to my questions
-what am i going to study? psychology, or something like that .. im still not sure.. but i do know something along that realm.

- what life am i going to live?, i want to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of my God,im in love with him.. i trust him ,not going to say im not scared.. i am, i have no idea whats coming.. i went to a small christian school.. and im going to yes.. a private,Honduran university.. but..its huge, yes, some of my friends will be there.. well two of my high school friends.. but .. its not like im going to be following them around..were probably going to have different classes.. different groups of friends..i mean were still going to be friends but.. its not like im going to see them everyday... its not going to be like in high school.
_who am i going to be? well this one, i could say is the easiest one ..but its not... the first thing i would say .. me, im just going to be me.. of course,but i know im going to change.. its natural, people change..and this something that i have no idea .. time will tell,

right now the first thing i want to do, is to put it off... egh, its two months, whatever..i have time .
but then.. time flies by in front of my eyes..june went by..and i didn't even notice.
its going to be the same with these two months.
its scary it really is..
i guess all i can do is put it in Gods hands, trust him
everything is going to be ok..

this bible verse.. the moment i read it, it brought peace to my heart..
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
im ok.. and i will be ok.. no matter what.. there is always someone looking out for me
God says: im there, i always have been..always will be..things change.. people come..people go..but im still the same.rely on me..
dont be scared.. im here.. and im not going anywhere..

my latest obssesions

well, it all started when i got introduced into lacrea s music, at first i thought was oh just another rapper ... whatever.. im not usually into hip- hop, why would this be different ?
but i youtubed him, and loved it.. just like that.. it was love.. i love his music ..its got a sick beat not to mention his songs speaks truth. the first time i heard this song i remember i felt so inspired.. this is my passion, if im living for myself, whats the point, he gives me a reason to live and Im done being just luke-warm i want to GO HARD for my God.


then another day, i randomly found this other dude called Tedashii, another rapper.. yes another christian rapper.. it was in youtube and i just saw it looked like an good video, it had pretty color
( im not gonna lie, yes that is why i clicked on it) but im glad i did, this song talks about war... spiritual war.. yes its there.. we dont see it but its going on right now..
and we have to fight against our nature.. and take up our cross

this is who i am.

i grew up , and still am in a very strong christian family
but when i was little i hated going to church.. i didnt hate God or anything like that, i just thought it was extremely boring.. especially sunday school where they always made me color with used up crayons in a very hot .. AC-less room... with lots of kid i didnt know..
as a little kid my parents tried to make me go.. and i do remenber going
but later my parent never made us go to church.. it was always our choice.
we could chose not to go.. and i usually did.and i went to grandmas and spent the afternoon watching tv.
I grew up not liking church.
i went to a christian school, we took bible class , in elementary i remenber trying to memorize bible verses for the usual spellig/bible test on friday. we had a bible workbook and a bible in our cubbies. i knew of God, i knew all the bible stories, adam and eve in the Garden, noahs ark, the walls of jerico, daniel in the lions den, and all the usual..the songs.. my parents
they bought us bible story books and this is what they read to us before bed..
but it went beyond that.. i saw my parents were really passionate about this God,
when there where hard times .. it was him who they realied on.. when my sister couldnt sleep at night because she was scared.. my dad prayed with her .. read scripture with her
to me .. this God was their rock and thier refuge
to me this God meant i wasnt allowed to do what i heard the other kids where doing,
all i wanted was to fit it.. desperately .. and the worst part is that im shy .. but it used to be worse
when i was in elementary, i remenber sitting alone in recess.. being the last one to be picked.. always having to tell the teacher i didnt have a partner for the project.. it came to the point.. when i was in highschool that i wouldnt talk to anyone.. unless spoken to first.. unless i had to
i had no friends .. i was just there.. i felt unoticed.. unloved.. i hated myself for being this way.
i used to pretend i didnt care, i was the loner .. but in my heart i wished i was going to that party.
i wished i had been invited to her house, i sat in class and heard .. what they did in the weekend .. how they did that stupid thing in the mall ..and my heart broke.
then, in ninth grade this one teacher started a bible study.. i was curious so i went
i remenber the first biblestudy i went to.. there where like 15 girls crammed in her little apartment living room.. i continued to go .. and there where less and less girl.. and it ended up being a group of around 9 or ten girls that where the ones that always came.. i was still shy, but i started to feel like was part of something.. i remenber it was here that i started opening up.. i started to share my heart.. feel like someone cared.
that year, in the anual school retreat...
i prayed to God ..
i prayed .. father.. this is your life... father this is forever.. this is our journey.
im still friends with the group that went to bible study .. im still really close to some of them,
i can tell you whole heartedly, that my life has changed since i was in seventh grade..
im still shy.. its just the way i am .. but now i know i am loved.. this is who i am .. this is who i was created to be.. i am loved.. yes .. i have friends now.. close friends
but even more than that, i know there is some one who loves me for who i am
i dont to pretend im someone im not for him to love me
he knows me more than anyone else
and he LOVES me, more than anyone else is even capable of loving
its been a long journey since.. im not in ninth grade anymore ..in fact im not even in highschool anymore..
i graduated last week. i wont have chapels every monday, or bible class
i dont HAVE to read my bible
i dont HAVE to pray
i want to .
i now know the God my parents so passionately pursue, and want to please.
and i love him, and i want to pursue and please him too
i know what real love is, i know this sounds cheesy.. but its true.
i dont have to understand who i was.. in fact i dont even like to remenber who i was before ninth grade.. who was that girl?, why was i that way?
truth is I dont know..
right now .. right after highschool.. right before college... three months in between.
i pray God puts amazing people in my life..
even if they let me down, my identity is in God not people... they might think im some girl..
but i know who i am..

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records

Your Summer Soundtrack - Free Music from Tooth & Nail Records
yeah.. its pretty sweet ..
as always im a sucker for free music
check this out ..
tooth and nail records give aways 15+ song for free

right now

so, after many stressful tests and long, long weeks of school, I can officially say i am done with high school. whats next? well honestly, i don't know..
right now im focusing on right now...and right now i have the baccalaureate thing ( im still not sure of what it is), graduation and .... yes, prom.
it feels surreal... i don't if has really gotten to me yet.. maybe after graduation, after i see say goodbye to my classmates, and teachers.. after i go to the airport to say goodbye to my friends that are leaving to the states for college .. maybe then
its weird.
right now im in a state of.. i dont know..
im enjoying this..