Letters to a close friend.

.As strange and unblogable this might sound.I have come to realize that when i write things down .when i actually jot down my thoughts whatever strange and all over the place they might be.things start getting clearer .i dont know what is or why this is ?.. but it just is... its like one moment i have a whole cloud of ..asdfjkñl.. inside me then i write it down and its a sentence .. and i feel lighter .. This is why i like to journal..its kind of like a diary.but not ..at least not for me . because in a dairy .. i would write to my diary..hence the whole "Dear diary" thing.who is that?As young girl I attempted many times to keep one but lacked the disciplne to write in it.. so it never happened...later on I tried it again .. but with a different aproach.Not really even knowing what to write i would simply write what i was feeling .. what was going on in my life.yeah it was kind of like a diary, But I wasnt talking to the air..or to myslef.I was talking to God, I soon realized that someone was actually reading this thing.. theese entrys where like prayers,execept i would write them down instead of speaking them ..but they where prayers.. I was opening myslef up to him..its like writing a letter to a friend, who i couldnt see and didnt know how to reach..and this friend had access to my heart.. in the moment it seems something so natural.. so ordinary.but now realize how this little thing has actually made me grow so much closer to Him.i was trusting him with my deepest darkest secrets..that he already knew,but in giving theese to him .I was letting him into a part of me i myself didnt even know existed.. I now can read my journals i can now see how he was with me-even guiding the converstion . sometimes i would start my entry worried,confused and troubled and I could sense/read how it would suddenly shift to a peaceful resolution or an affirmation that im pretty certain came from him (because there is no way i could of come up with it), allthis in the same entry... back then i didnt know what was going on but now i see it, he was speaking to me . he actually listens.. and he knew exactly how to make me open up to him.. not because he doesnt already know whats going on inside me .but because he actually wants to hear from us he,he knows us better than we know ourselves. its all about us Knowing him .. he actually wants us to know him... and not just "know" him like theory..we can know our multiplication tables,.. but this never really gets to have any influence over our heart, emotions, spirit , soul.. does it ? well at least not for me.. its in my head.. i memorized it.. but that it.. see Jesus, hes not an assignment or a class or a checklist ....see he wants us to KNOW HIM .. AND he actually wants to be our friend.. our really close friend...our best friend... or something even closer that.. this has and still undeniably is part of my journey towards Him becoming that..and its undeniable that its him who started it in me .. why did i suddenly feel an urge to start writing it down? why was I writing it to him and not to my "Diary"?.. when i was a young 15 year old .. kind of curious about God .. wanting to know him but not knowing how ..clueless.and desperately wanting "the real deal".. i prayed for that exactly.. this seems like an answer to prayer now that i think about it .. im 20 now .. and i can tell the difference.. .. so yes .. i would recomend you get a journal:) .. and just do it... it might seem wierd in the begining but just write your heart out.. pour yourself out.. simply write it out..all of it.. its kind of like a letter to your closest friend/relative .. who wants to know all about your life and wants to know whats in your heart.. its okay to cry.. its ok not to not feel anything at all.. the fact the you are writing it down that you even considering it.. means that you care :) and he cares .. and deeply loves you and really wants to talk to you .. :) and he has alot to say.. he just wants us to come to Him :)

Cory Asbury - All Is For Your Glory (Onething 2011)

favorite song right now .. this song is the prayer in my heart..  Lord just let me see your beauty

Katie Reed "If Your Love Was Like A Fine Wine..."

:) this night was soo cool :) a couple minutes after this song .. the whole room became one big dance party ;it was quite cool :)..one of the countless crazy awsome things i experienced during the internship.. its so awsome and cool to rejoice and be with Jesus in his prescence .. i loved this night ..

I am Second® - Doug Bender

this video brought me to tears.. i know what it feels like to not have friends ..i went through most of my school years as a loner ..until i was in 8th grade .. but now i get it,why I had to go through this. and itwhat made me get it was because Jesus telling me over and over "you are not .. and never have been alone .. i have always been with you " .. I prayed this exact prayer so many times as a kid .. and I know he heard me .He is such an amazing friend.. i have had "friends" in the past who have turned thier back on  me but he never has..there is noone who can offer you the frienship that he can give you .. he is litterally living inside u.. he is litterally with you ALWAYS ..literally.. He FULLY Gets you .. and his love is unconditional.. and he never changes.. EVER.
Jesus thankyou that you not only love me .. but that you see me as a friend.. you saw something in me that you would think im worthy to have me as your friend..what kind of love is this? .. i dont have words to describe it .. but all I can do is thank him.. because his love has never failed me.
Jesus is pretty cool .. and being his friend is awsome.

Bethel Music- Come to Me (subtitles / sk titulky)

when i hear this song :) i feel like he (Jesus)  is singing the lyrics to me :´) and it makes me want to cry ..

Heidi Baker - Radical Love Equals Radical Obedience

I love Heidi baker .. i dont know her .. but by the way she preaches.. its not hard to tell she knows Jesus... i like her ..
she inspires me .. all she did was say yes.. this gives me hope.. :) i want to do this too

GO! - Paul Washer ( this video stirrs me everytime i see it )

God will do his work
GOD is doing his work
God will be glorified
God will be worshiped
God will be rejoiced in
the question is are you gonna be part of it?

THERE are no great men and women of God there are only tiny weak broken men with a merciful God

this has probably been one of the videos that has most marked me
I can stil hear "what part of Go dont you understand?" ..resouding in my head
i feel a calling to missions/ministry .. and this video haunts me .. this video pierced my heart..i want this .. i want this to be a reality in my heart..
missions is not about sending missionaries .. its about send the truth of God through those missionaries ..
I WANT TO KNOW GOD
I WANT TO SEEK TO KNOW HIIM..
His attributes.. His face .. HIM...
for the cry in my heart to be I MUST KNOW YOU..IF I DONT HAVE MORE OF YOU..I DIE
AAAAGHH..i remenber when i first saw this video .. i couldnt stop crying..
it stung.. i want to know what is feels to Violently pursue him..and for that to be what propels me in life..
pursue the very thing for which you where pursued.. TO KNOW HIM.. WHO ARE YOU? TO KNOW YOU .. THIS WILL BE MY MAGNIFICENT OBSSESION.. TO KNOW MY GOD..
that ..the reality that .. everything OUTSIDE OF JESUS CHRIST IS ABSOLUTLY absurd..
and all things where made for him through him and by him and in him .

BFF:) , (The still small voice)

so im back in Honduras..and everything feels the same .. everything seems back to normal. it feels like if the last 6/7 months have been a dream of some sort .. but the changes in me are obvious .. i feel different ..i dont feel like the same girl who left to kansas city 7 months ago.. the biggest change that i notice in myself .. I NEED JESUS.. yes I knew i needed Jesus before leaving to kansascity.. but now my dependance on him soo marked.. he makes me who I am .. he gives me life . but not only that .. He is my friend .. and not just a Good friend .. a Really.. really  close friend.. my best Friend .. and I feel the need to talk to him about everything and by everything i mean everything.. and if i dont bring it up.. He does .. and he cares .. he is a Good friend, I like Jesus .. I willingly choose his opinion on things that matter, and sometimes things you would think dont matter.. but i still ask him and he answers .. and he cares sometimes more than I do..

having Jesus as my friend.. seeing him as someone who deeply loves me .. and cares about my heart .. who wants to hear my voice ..even if its to tell him about thing you would think are dumb .. yes.. I have changed.. i loved him 6/7 months ago.. but i didnt know how to talk to him .. you could even say i was  scared/intimidated of Him not liking me .. so i always kept certain distance,out of respect ..I thought in my mind..but something changed and  it was in the prayerRoom that this happened .. we had to spend 6 hours in there ...everyday..oneday..something inside me clicked.. He wants me to talk to him... he even made it a point of saying my Voice is lovely (Songofsolomon2:14) .. so I started to talking to him the only way i knew how ..Just talking to him..Praying.. i started to notice that i was having conversations .. in my Head.. and the person i was talking to ..wasnt me .. one day it Hit me .. it felt like lighting had struck my heart.. HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME .. he speaks .. he has feelings .. and he likes to express them.. he has a heart and its not closed up.. it hit me again....I have a relationship with God..the almighty God...he likes me .. He calls me his Friend.. he Calls me his daughter..and I have acess to His heart.. i love him and he loves me ..you would think this is something i would already know .. technically i already knew this .. see I grew up learning about this .. i grew up singing about songs about Jesus loving me .. but i learned that this being  my mind wasnt really enough for it to be real to me.. for it to be a reality .. it had to be inside my heart ... when Jesus told me He loved me .. this was when i started to believe it for real.. i knew this . but my heart had never experienced this.  i was made For him.. i was made to love him back.. he loved me first... :) i love Jesus ..he is cool.. and he is a person you can be real with.. he is someone you can tell everything to , he wont be upset or surprised or angry.. see he already knows..he already know your heart.. and he sees our hearts longing for him .. since he placed that there..he is a good friend ..He is trustworthy.. he cares .. he listens .. and he wants to tell you whats on his heart.. but we have to take the time to listen.. and he waits for us to start the conversation. and Yes.. this is a conversation worth having .


                                                     

What am i doing? Where am i?

So i havent really written anything in a while and by a while i mean 6 months ..why? Well i was getting my mind and soul and emotions getting blown up and i was meeting the man i talk about in my blogpost and the man i want to do life with (Jesus)... I remenber agreeing with myslef ,making a personal commitment to write in this blog everything that i have learned and all that i experienced ..but its really hard to put into words ..and much more to put into a blogpost..i remenber trying to start a blogpost one time, i was feeling him feeling his prescence ..i was getting my mind blown and my emotions where all over the place (as in i couldnt stop crying,for some reason) but i couldnt even describe what i felt ..i didnt really know what was going on ..all i knew in that moment was that Jesus was close to me ...he went there ..to a place i never let anyone in and he liked it ..and it felt good ..it wasnt bad tears ( its really hard to explain) and this would happen quite a few times during this 6 months i disapeared in ...
What was i doing? u might be wondering..well i was (and currently am )in an internship in a ministry called IHOP (international house of prayer) (not the pancake place) in kansascity ,missouri ..the internship that i am in is called one thing and the best way to describe it is ...during six months you eat ,breathe ..Jesus ...u get teachings in the morning (and sometimes in the evening depending on the schedule) and then later u go to this place called the prayerRoom where u get to talk to Jesus about what u learned ..this is where the real deal happens ..where my heart gets blasted ..where i cry my eyes out and where the knowledge in my head goes to my heart..oh and the prayerRoom is ALWAYS on..(as in 24/7) when i was trying to explain to people what exactly i was coming to do here in kansas city i had trouble explaining this ..no i am not in the prayer room 24/7..and no i am not always praying even when i am in there ..there is cool music going on ..people worshiping Jesus ..and intercession ..most of the time both At the same time ..(most of the time i would just give them the link and tell them to see it for themselves ,yes its online 24/7) (the link is ihop.org/prayerroom.com) its sooo wierd and by wierd i mean bittersweet to think that there is litterally less than a week in a half left of this internship ..i still remener the first week ..i dont feel like her anymore ..im still zoe..but i feel different ,and i like it :) ..its gonna be hard to leave this place is soo unique ..in my 20 years of life ive never seen any place like this,but i quickly realized that the only thing that made this place special was the people ..and the yes in thier hearts ..and that they where all doing it together..but Jesus was in the center of everything (and i mean everything) and well in a place where Jesus is being worshipped 24/7 what else can we expect?..i love it :) this has to happen everywhere in the world ..Jesus is worthy of 24/7 ..its not too much ..in fact its not enough ..if human beings where able to it should be 24/8 or 64/90 ..he is worthy of it all .. :) i hope to see someday IHOP Honduras ,how?i have no idea ..but it should and if God wants to it will :) someday

oh if we only knew <3